


pick your filter

by spider_momo



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon
Genre: Disguise Pen Abuse, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Romance, Teen Romance, UsaMamo Spring Exchange 2020, awkward mamoru, blushing mamoru, cute usagi, just usagi using her disguise pen in different situations, without telling mamoru lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:41:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23219407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spider_momo/pseuds/spider_momo
Summary: Honestly, it's Luna's fault for giving such a powerful tool to Usagi in the first place. I mean, you can't expect her not to use the Disguise Pen. It's a pen that gives her an infinite amount of outfits!in which Usagi uses the Disguise Pen to its full potential while accidentally giving Mamoru a permanent case of 'jamais vu'.
Relationships: Chiba Mamoru/Tsukino Usagi
Comments: 25
Kudos: 61





	1. she's the man

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, lovelies! So, this is my gift to moonlightusa for uglygreenjacket's UsaMamo Spring Exchange 2020. 
> 
> I've wanted to write a Disguise Pen fic for a while but just ended up incorporating a whole bunch of fic ideas from everyone on my dashboard lol. 
> 
> Of course, this isn't finished yet and I will continue to write/update throughout my indefinite quarantine period. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it and that it brings a smile to your face during turbulent times! <3

Okay. 

So, maybe Usagi _shouldn’t_ have insisted she could do this on her own. In her defence, she had just wanted to feel more helpful, to not be dragging Rei and Ami and Luna down. That’s why when her middle school had the Friday off for a professional day, instead of sleeping in or spending the day playing video games and eating snacks Usagi proudly and loudly insisted that she could do something as simple as scoping out some fancy-schmancy high school for any signs of youmas. 

And here she was, wandering the halls of Moto-Azabu Private High School, totally lost. Hey, it wasn’t her fault all the hallways looked the same though. It was like a never-ending maze of pristine tiles and club flyers. 

Usagi whined a bit as she tugged at the stiff tie around her neck. Ugh, boys’ uniforms were so stuffy; she missed the loose freedom of her skirt and sailor fuku. Although, she will admit that the Disguise Pen did a pretty fabulous job turning her into a teenage boy. Usagi pauses in the hallway, staring at her reflection in a window and running her fingers through her now short hair. While she didn’t magically gain any height, the platform shoes the Disguise Pen provided her with at least gave her an extra handful of centimetres. She was cute, all big eyes and soft hair, delicate features with their feminine charm. 

“I’m hungry,” Usagi pouted as she continued down the near-empty hallway. Not only was she lost, but there were no signs of youma or any dark energy in this place. 

“I can’t believe I woke up before 8AM for this! Aah! I should just leave and go get something to eat.” Usagi kept walking, turning around a corner praying to find an exit when she suddenly realized something. 

She was inside an all-boys school. A school full of _high school boys_. 

“Right! I can’t waste this opportunity,” Usagi whispered to herself, “It’s almost lunchtime. I’ll grab a snack and then look at all the cute boys before I leave. At least then this day wouldn't be a _total_ waste!” 

Usagi leaned against the windowsill, fingers itching to play with long silky hair that was no longer there. She jumped up with excitement when the lunch bell rings, eyes eagerly raking over the stream of students emerging from the classroom, the sound of chattering filling the once quiet halls. 

Wow, high school boys were so _tall_ . Usagi couldn’t wait until she was done with middle school and _middle school boys_ (yuck). 

She pushed herself off the windowsill, humming a tuneless melody as she skipped down the hall. 

Usagi’s eyes aimlessly wandered around, taking in the foreign sights in hopes of finding a familiar archway or staircase. It’s when her eyes briefly flitted over a familiar sight did Usagi stop and come to _another_ realization. 

Right. Moto-Azabu Private High School is where _he_ went, how could Usagi have forgotten? 

Usagi curiously watched as Chiba Mamoru zipped his bag up, nodding along to something a classmate was saying. The rest of the class emptied out while he lingered behind, looking over a notebook. 

Usagi’s mind panicked, blaring alarms went off in her head, before she belatedly remembered she was not Tsukino Usagi right now but a nameless male student of Moto-Azabu Private High School. Which meant she was free to continue to stare at Chiba Mamoru’s pretty profile and take in his pretty body proportions. 

Usagi doesn’t know why; maybe it’s adrenaline from using the Disguise Pen, maybe it’s because Chiba Mamoru looks less like a high school student and more like he’s modelling the school uniform with the way he’s sitting delicately in the sunlight, or maybe it’s because it’s weird that even at school he’s still got this aura of loneliness clinging to him. But for whatever reason, Usagi found herself stepping into the classroom.

He looked up when Usagi was a few feet away from his desk, the two of them locked eyes with each other.

“...Can I help you?” And, _dear god_ Chiba, are you always this blunt?

“Uh…” Usagi’s mind searched for a response because she hadn't really thought this far ahead and her mind ran blank because Chiba Mamoru was really distracting when he was looking _right at you_ like that. 

He narrowed his eyes at her a bit, “Do I know you? You—”

“Your eyes!” Usagi blurted, her tongue and brain finally having reconnected. Although that connection wasn’t exactly coherent or sensible.

Chiba froze a bit at her outburst, blinking in confusion. “...What?”

“Your eyes are _so_ blue,” Usagi continued and leaned in closer because her statement was true and this may be her only opportunity to get a better look at said eyes. “They’re not contacts, are they?” She leaned in closer and closer as Chiba Mamoru leaned further back, trying to avoid her dissecting. 

“W-what are you—” 

“Even your lashes are so long! Unfair!” She was only a few centimetres away from his face now and _wow_ , it’s like he has no pores, what the heck??? 

“People probably tell you you’re good looking all the time, huh? You could be like an actor or idol or something with that face alone.”

Usagi paused when she noticed the rosy flush spread across Chiba Mamoru’s cheekbones, the way he was leaning as far back as humanly possible, lined notebook brought up as a pseudo-shield. 

_Cute_ , was the only word that came to her mind. 

And of course, that caused a reset of sorts among her neurons because there was no _way_ she just thought that that jerk Chiba Mamoru was cute.

Usagi took another look at how the pink blush on his cheeks and ears contrasted beautifully with the deep blue of Chiba Mamoru’s eyes and long, fluttery lashes that peeked out from the top of a flimsy lined notebook that was clutched tightly in between white-knuckles fingers. 

_Dammit_ . He _was_ cute. Too cute. Who knew all it took were a few compliments for Chiba Mamoru to get like this?

Wait! No, bad Usagi! She really needed to leave before she did something really stupid, like _actually_ start to _like_ Chiba Mamoru. Yeah, uh... no thanks on that one! 

“Well, I gotta go!” 

Usagi scrambled backwards, practically running out of the room and then the building, dodging other students and shoving open the first exit door she saw. When she was a street away, hidden between towering buildings, Usagi allowed her disguise to fall, reverting back into average-teenage-girl: Tsukino Usagi. 

“That was...something,” Usagi blew her bangs off her forehead, hands twisting around the ends of her now long and silky hair. “It was just...the Disguise Pen. Yeah, you just got a little too into it,” Usagi continued to console herself as she headed back home. 

It’s a few hours later and Usagi is done recounting the lack of dark energy found at Moto-Azabu Private High School to Luna, Ami, and Rei. She nursed a tall strawberry milkshake, kicking her legs back and forth leisurely, but her joyful milkshake time was unfortunately interrupted. 

“Hey.” 

Usagi nearly choked on her pastel pink strawberry milkshake when she saw Chiba Mamoru leaning against the counter to her right. 

“H-hi,” Usagi whipped her head forward, trying her best not to outwardly panic. She slowly turned her head to her left and made eye contact with Rei who stood a few metres away, scrolling through her phone. 

Usagi did her best to send a _help me!!!_ signal with her eyes but Rei, _oh lovable Rei_ , just made a face at Usagi before returning her attention to her phone. 

So, Usagi had no choice but to sit there, _suffering_ , as Chiba Mamoru stared into the depths of her very being, drumming his fingers along the countertop of the bar. 

“Did you want to order something or…?” Usagi attempted to act casual, 1000% unsure of how to act in this situation, “The strawberry milkshakes are _really_ good.” 

_Is he onto me??? Omg why is he just staring? Oh my god he figured out it was me earlier and now he knows what do I do, Luna is going to be so mad! Rei, PLEASE help me._

“Do you have a brother?” He asked instead, eyes narrowed suspiciously at her. 

“No!” Usagi practically shouted before she realized _oh wait: Shingo_ … “I mean yes! I do. He’s ten and we look nothing alike though, haha.” 

“Oh,” Chiba Mamoru frowns a bit, looking confused and a bit dejected oddly. 

“Why are you asking?” Usagi asked, taking another slurp of her milkshake. 

“No reason!” Chiba Mamoru jerked away from her, ears flushed a rather impressive shade of red. 

_He must have really good blood circulation_ , Usagi thought and thus voiced said thought. 

“Your blood circulation is amazing, just look at your cheeks. Brides everywhere must envy you.” 

And somehow his ears managed to turn even _more_ red. “Whatever,” Chiba Mamoru bit out and twisted on his heels, marching away. 

Usagi let out a sigh of relief. Alright, secret identity still remains a secret. 

“What the hell was that?” Usagi nearly toppled out of her seat when Rei popped up on her other side. 

“You scared me!” Usagi whined, clutching her chest. 

Rei narrowed her eyes at Usagi as she took a seat on the stool, taking Usagi’s straw to pick up some of the remaining whipped cream on the edge of the glass. 

“Were you bothering him again?” Rei accused, finishing off the whipped cream.

_Yes, and I want to do it again..._ Usagi groaned, letting her face fall onto her forearms. 

“ _He_ is always bothering _me_! Ugh, that was so stressful! I’m never volunteering to be productive again. I need another milkshake.” 


	2. toyko 99

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We now move onto Season 2, Doom Tree Arc. Even though this one ended up being a shorter chapter I had fun writing it. Like moonlightusa, I also really love the Doom Tree Arc and will hopefully write more of it. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Usagi  _ knew _ she shouldn’t be interfering, knew that it really was no longer any of her business. Not anymore, anyhow. 

But...that damn Natsumi really knew how to get under Usagi’s skin. 

She had practically been stalking Mamoru for the last few days, always popping up wherever he went, clinging onto him like the leech she was. 

It was an unpleasant sight, to say the least. 

And Mamoru’s gentle insistence that  _ no _ he was not interested was evidently not enough to keep Hurricane Natsumi at bay. 

So, Usagi decided it was finally time to interfere; not because she was, like, _jealous_ or anything. Obviously, she was stepping in from the goodness of her heart, like the good ex-girlfriend ex-lover ex-destined-to-be-soulmate _friend_ she was. 

(Okay, that ‘friend’ excuse was pretty flimsy, even to her own mind.)

It was Friday, at that time when the afternoon melted into the evening. The slowly setting sun left a warm glow everywhere over the city where the elongated shadows did not reach. Usagi would usually spend her Friday evenings hanging out with the girls, maybe at Rei’s place for a ‘study session’. But not today, no sir. Instead of enjoying the company of her friends and some junk food, Usagi was hiding in between sketchy alleyways and parked cars. All while dressed as a uniform officer via one very handy Disguise Pen. 

She made a pretty cute cop, though; Usagi nodded in approval as she admired her wavy bob in the side mirror of a minivan, loving the way the light and navy blue of her outfit made her eyes pop out. 

Wait! No time to be distracted. She was on a  _ mission _ . 

Usagi refocused her attention on the crosswalk on the other side of the road, eyes narrowing in on  _ her _ . 

Ugh, it was a nauseating sight to see Natsumi batting her eyelashes at Mamoru, fake giggling like some crazy person. She was probably trying to follow him home _ again _ . 

Mamoru awkwardly nodded to whatever nonsense Natsumi was gushing about, eyes flicking towards the crosswalk signal, like he was praying for it to change already. 

Usagi ducked behind another car, creeping in closer. Was following Natsumi while Natsumi followed Mamoru a pretty weird thing to do? Yeah, probably. But something was  _ weird _ about that girl. And her brother. Usagi was just making sure Mamoru was safe. It was her duty as a superhero!

Usagi dashed across the street, making her way to the same side as Mamoru and Natsumi, and  _ what in the name of the moon was that girl doing??? _

Usagi’s eyes widened as she watched Natsumi close her eyes and lean upwards to Mamoru, who stumbled backwards into the traffic pole. Usagi’s body went on autopilot and she was stepping between the two in less than a second. 

“Mmphh!” Natsumi’s eyes flashed open as she struggled against the force of Usagi’s palm pushing her away. _Defence!_

Usagi was forever grateful that the Disguise Pen gave her outfit some gloves because touching Natsumi’s lips would just be  _ Ew _ . 

“What the hell?” Natsumi shrieked after Usagi pulled her hand away, now that she was a safe distance away from Mamoru. 

“Miss,” Usagi put her hands on her hips and channelled her inner Luna to lecture Natsumi, “don’t you know sexual harassment is a crime?” 

“Sexual  _ harassment _ ?” Natsumi spluttered, eyes bulging out of their sockets like she was one of those creepy fish that lived in the dark depths of the ocean. Usagi wouldn’t be surprised if Natsumi crawled out of the ocean. But not in like a sexy mermaid way. More like Godzilla submerging from the trenches of the sea to wreak havoc on land. 

“What are you, drunk? Have some shame, you’re just a middle schooler!”

“I’m not drunk! What are you even—”

“And now you’re causing a scene? Disturbing all these people?” Usagi continued crossing her arms and shaking her head. 

“There’s no one else here!” Natsumi cried out, gesturing to the empty street. 

“Miss. Are you telling  _ me _ how to do my  _ job _ ?” Usagi gasped, faking outrage, much like a character of one of those cheesy soap operas her Mom watched, “I am a uniformed officer! How dare you? I’m going to have to call your parents and have them pick you up from the station.”

“Wait!” Natsumi’s eyes widened even more, “There’s no need to do that. I’m sorry, it won’t happen again,” She nervously laughed, bowing in apology. 

“...Alright. I’ll let you off with a warning this time, kid,” Usagi pretended to sigh in disappointment.

_ Oh thank god, I literally have no idea where the nearest police station is, let alone how arresting someone works! _

“You should head home now, Miss. I don’t want to catch you causing any more trouble,” Usagi made an  _ I’m-watching-you _ gesture at Natsumi who smiled that fake smile at her.

She turned to Mamoru who was silently watching the whole exchange in ever-growing confusion, “See you later, Mamoru!” Natsumi sang out before skipping away. 

Eventually, it was just Usagi and Mamoru left, the sun dipping even lower in the sky and casting oranges and reds along the horizon. 

“Um, are you alright?” Usagi asked, clearing her throat a bit. Mamoru’s eyes were watching her, like he was trying to stare right into her soul. Usagi was no longer used to him giving her his rapt attention like this and it was a bit unnerving. 

“I’m fine,” He said after a moment, voice quiet and soft, “Thank you,” And Usagi had somehow forgotten how intensely  _ blue _ Mamoru’s eyes were and it felt like every nerve in her body was standing on edge as he looked into her eyes.

“Well, then!” Usagi plastered a smile on her face, “I have  _ policing _ to get back to. Get home safe, citizen!” She spun around on her heels, palm pressed against her chest, the rapid  _ thump-thump _ of her heart pulsating against her skin. 

“Wait!” Mamoru called out and Usagi stilled, “Do we… Have we met before?” 

Usagi resisted the urge to turn around, run into his arms and say  _ yes _ and tell Mamoru everything he no longer remembers. But she can’t; it won’t make a difference. He still won’t remember. 

Usagi took a deep breath and slowly turned around, “No, we haven’t. Not unless you’ve been in the back of my police care before,” She joked, hoping he doesn’t see the way her eyes are starting to water, blurring her vision ever-so-slightly. 

“Oh,” Mamoru looked towards the ground, “Right, then.”

“Right. Stay safe! And don’t let that girl bother you anymore,” Mamoru’s head tilted upwards, his eyes on her once again, “Someone like you deserves a lot better.” 

Mamoru didn’t say anything else, eyes just staring into hers. Usagi waved one last time before turning away. She walked down the street, turning the corner and pressing herself against the brick wall of a small sidestreet. Her disguise falls away and Tsukino Usagi is finally free to cry her heart out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and YES i shamelessly stole that scene from the k-drama Itaewon Class because it made me laugh so hard. 
> 
> also the end ended up being way angstier than i was initially hoping for so...whoops.
> 
> I promise the next update will be more silly and fun lol
> 
> Please leave a comment, let me know it you loved it/hated it. Also, if you have any Disguise Pen scenarios you'd love to see please let me know because I will run out of situations soon lmao!
> 
> also, if you haven't noticed the chapter titles are a vague indication to Usagi's disguise, let me know if you understood the reference and were able to guess!
> 
> Everyone stay safe and healthy <3


	3. lunar holiday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait! please enjoy these Silver Millenium shennanigans!

“Oh, would you relax Mars! It’s called the  _ Lunar _ Festival. I think the Princess of the literal  _ Moon _ would make the day that much more auspicious.”

“Yes, it will be  _ so  _ auspicious when we get caught and cause an interplanetary conflict!”

“Mars is right,” Mercury cut in, voice calm and rational as always, “We really shouldn’t be doing this. Being on Earth, on today of all days will only cause offence to their people, should we be caught.”

“ _ Should _ we be caught, which we won’t!” Venus nodded confidently. 

“I have to admit, those disguises are  _ pretty good _ ,” Jupiter conceded, looking down at Venus’ and Princess Serenity’s outfits. 

Earth maidens wore much more layers than anyone of the Moon Kingdom; the smooth silks draping almost pooling at their feet, sashes wrapped securely at their waists, were all very authentic-looking. 

Normally, all four of the Inner Senshis would be against travelling down to Earth, especially on a day as busy and lively as the Lunar Festival. But here their Princess was, round eyes and pouting lips, pleading so sincerely.

“Please, please,  _ please! _ ” Serenity begged, clasping her hands out in front of her face, “Just for a few hours. We’ll look around, try some Earth delicacies, and watch the pretty lanterns be released and then be on our way.” 

Mars and Mercury still looked unconvinced and Jupiter looked like she would still side with them, should it come down to a vote. Serenity bit her lip trying to think of a way to convince them. Only Venus was on her side today, she having also been woefully intrigued by the festivities. 

Serenity had so desperately wished to come see the Lunar Festival after Endymion spoke of it some time ago. She recalled the way his eyes lit up as he spoke of the strange Earth customs. Serenity had particularly been entranced by the floating lanterns everyone sent up to the night sky, wanting to see it in person for herself so much. Well, she originally planned to see it with Endymion. But sacrifices had to be made. 

“I promise I won’t even go see Endymion! I swear!” Serenity pleaded once more, this time causing a look of surprise to flash across her four Senshis’ faces. 

“You really just want to see the lanterns and eat some dumplings?” Mars asked, eyes narrowing in suspicion. Serenity nodded her head rapidly, biting on her lower lip in anticipation. 

“Plus, I’ll be with her!” Venus added, “First sign of trouble and we’ll head straight back!” She promised. 

“...Alright,” Mercury yielded first, “But you  _ must _ be careful.”

“And stay in disguise the entire time,” Jupiter added, “It wasn’t easy sneaking those items out of the armoury!” 

“And  _ do not _ get caught,” Mars glared, arms crossed. 

“We won’t!” Venus and Serenity chorused, gleeful cheering ensuing as they grabbed onto each other’s arms in excitement. 

And so the blonde duo travelled down to Earth, on the evening of the famed Lunar Festival. 

The two adjusted their disguises, hands tugging at the excess fabric and gently smoothing down any misplaced hairs. Serenity’s fingers ghosted over where her usual twin buns would rest on top of her head. Instead of long silvery-blonde locks and pale, glimmering skin, Serenity had transformed into an everyday Earth girl to fit in. Her dark brown hair was pinned back into a single bun, with braided strands swooping back into it from both sides of her temples, and a soft pink ribbon tying it together. Her crescent moon mark on her forehead was currently invisible and even the crystal blue of her irises seemed to have been dimmed down, so not to drag any attention to herself. 

Venus too no longer had her bright blonde hair, instead adjusting the long ponytail of her greyish-black hair and the dark blue hair ornament that held it back. While their robes certainly looked of high class, they could still successfully mingle into a crowd without raising suspicions. 

“Which way should we head first?” Serenity gushed, being mindful enough to keep her voice hushed, lest they want to be discovered in the small courtyard they stood in, so very close to the royal castle.

The two walked towards the main street; it was full of carts selling food and accessories, people bustling around cheerfully. The entire street was decorated with bright colours and jingling bells and twinkling lights. It was all so much brighter, more full of life than anything on the Moon. The bright decorations, colourful lights and lanterns, and wonderful smell of all sorts of food that wafted through the evening air were all so enticing, stirring their curiosity and anticipation built up in their veins. 

They headed to a less crowded area, pausing by a small alleyway, mostly hidden by the evening shadows being cast upon them.

“Oh, it’s so wonderful!” Serenity gasped and there were practically stars dotting her eyes as she took in all the sights and sounds and smells, “Nothing like those boring banquets we have. Everything smells so delicious!” 

“...But I wish I was here with Endymion,” Serenity deflated a little. 

“Oh, you and your  _ precious Endymion _ ,” Venus rolled her eyes, laughing lightly.

“I can’t help it, Venus!” Serenity pouted, “Besides at least Endymion could tell us what all those little decorations are for and what those fried balls taste like.” 

“That’s true,” Venus nodded, also unknowledgeable about Earth traditions and cuisine, “Hey, Princess Serenity, maybe we should just kidnap the Prince and force him to be our tour guide,” Venus joked, nudging her princess slightly. 

“Venus!” Serenity admonished but giggled along with her anyway. 

“I knew it!” A voice came from behind, startling the two of them. Venus immediately stood in front of Serenity with an arm stretched out protectively. 

Serenity’s eyes widened as she saw the figure stepping down the stairs in the alleyway; it was Jadeite, one of Endymion’s Shitennou. 

“You Lunar wenches are here to ruin the festivities and kidnap Prince Endymion!” He accused, hand resting on the hilt of his blade. 

Venus relaxed a bit after seeing who it was, battle-ready pose dropping and an innocent smile forming on her face, “I have no idea what you are speaking of, sir. My dear sister and I were simply admiring the setting sun, our feet tired from walking around the streets.” 

“Don’t think your pathetic disguises will fool me,” Jadeite scowled. And it was true, once someone figured out the true identity behind to disguise the magic glamour no longer would hold up. Jadeite undoubtedly heard enough of their conversation to piece together their identities with certainty. 

“Please! You know we mean no harm!” Serenity cried, “We’d never actually kidnap the Prince!”

“So?” Jadeite crossed his arms, continuing to scowl, “You’re still somewhere you shouldn’t be. Anyone causing trouble on the Lunar Festival is to be locked up until further notice.” 

“Isn’t that kind of harsh?” Serenity laughed nervously, hands waving frantically, “We were just standing here, after all.” Serenity was not a complete moron; she knew that Jadeite along with the other Shitennou did not exactly harbour  _ positive _ feelings towards her. Just as her Senshi were wary of her growing bond with Endymion, his Heavenly Knights were surely to be wary of Lunarians. However, she also knew that Jadeite would not  _ actually _ want to have to harm either of them. 

“You’re loitering and blocking an entryway,” Jadeite stated, “I have no choice but to escort you to a holding cell.” 

“Wow,  _ petty _ much?” Venus scoffed. And while Serenity whole-heartedly agreed, she remained silent under Jadeite’s seething glare. 

“You—” 

“What’s going on here?” More footsteps were heard, approaching the three of them. 

Serenity felt her breath hitch when she saw him. Standing higher up on the slightly worn-down stone stairs was Prince Endymion. Serenity could feel her heart squeeze inside her chest as she soon became enchanted by the way the warm rays of the setting sun cast glowing beams of light onto Endymion. He was not in his usual armour today but instead wore robes of white and blue, with gold accents lining his wrist cuffs, the chains and sash around his waist, and as well as the golden hairpiece that was clipped onto the side of his head. With his tall white boots and sharp sword strapping to his side, inky black hair blowing gently in the cool evening breeze, and deep blue eyes matching the blue of his robes perfectly... it truly was a breathtaking sight.

In fact, Serenity only remembered to breathe when she felt Venus’s cold hand pushing her neck downwards to bow, much deeper than she would normally when greeting Endymion. Right! Of course civilians would give a proper bow such as this when greeting their Crown Prince. 

“Jadeite, what is going on here?” Another voice asked and Serenity peaked upwards to see Zoisite standing to Endymion’s left, both of them looking at Jadeite for answers. Uh oh… 

Jadeite opened his mouth to speak but of course, Venus beat him to it.

Venus clutched at her chest, as if recalling something emotional and disturbing of nature, and Serenity could tell that all those hours Venus spent reading scrolls upon scrolls of dramas and plays was about to pay off.

“Your Highness, there has been a grave misunderstanding! You see, the reason we came into the alleyway is such that the streets are oh so crowded with people, you can hardly walk without bumping into someone. Men, women, and children all eager to get some place. And unfortunately, someone passing by stepped on the ends of my sister’s lovely robes causing them to fall askew. So, I quickly rushed over to find someplace with a bit of privacy, to ensure that my sister’s robes had not been torn. After all, can you imagine how tragic it would be if she were to spend the rest of the night with a torn skirt, showing off her under robes? Look at how young and innocent she is! Surely, someone would have taken advantage of her after seeing her in that state. I had no choice but to quickly pull her aside and assess the situation myself before some nefarious tragedy could befall upon her. However, as I was fixing my sister’s robes, searching for any tears, your dear knight stumbled upon us and gave us quite the shock! And instead of seeing a loving sister simply readjusting her younger sister’s robes, I fear he mistook our positions and rather close proximity as something much more...indecent. But, Your Highness! This is my own sister! I won’t lose face in the midst of such accusations. Besides! If I were to engage in something of that sort, in a hidden alleyway no less, I can guarantee there would be no ambiguity in my actions, from sight or sound, whether it be with a woman or a man.” 

“...”

“...”

“...”

It was truly awe-inspiring, Venus’ ability to bring men to utter silence.

“...Right, then,” Zoisite coughed while Endymion blinked in confusion. 

“Ambiguity…? Jadeite, what did you think was happening—”

“Your Highness,” Zoisite cut in, “It appears Jadeite made a simple mistake. I’m sure he meant you two no offence,” He turned to Venus and Serenity with an apologetic smile. 

“They— they’re lying!” Jadeite spluttered, his mind surely still reeling over Venus’ top-notch performance. 

“Does the sight of two women disgust you much, sir?” Venus shot back, arms crossing over her chest with a haughty look. 

“The sight of  _ you two _ women does so, yes,” Jadeite glowered. 

“Oh, I understand now,” Endymion said, eyes landing on Serenity and Venus once more. Serenity gulped, her skin prickling in nervousness. 

“Y-you do?” She asked, voice coming out weaker then she intended. She could feel Venus tense up beside her once again. 

“You...” Endymion swiftly turned to Jadeite, “You really need to stop being so afraid of girls.”

“Huh!?” 

Maybe it was because it was the Lunar Festival, but apparently luck would be on Serenity’s side tonight. Or maybe Endymion’s endearing obliviousness was a constant that could always be relied upon. 

“You can’t keep threatening to arrest every single girl that bumps into you,” Endymion chided.

“I’m not— that’s not what—”

“Ah, seriously,” Endymion shook his head, sounding exasperated, “It’s getting to be embarrassing,” He walked past a red-faced and livid Jadeite. 

“Apologies once again,” Zoisite said, stepping forward, also ignoring Jadeite’s protests. 

“Please,” Endymion stopped in front of Venus and Serenity, “I hope you thoroughly enjoy the rest of the evening,” He smiled so beautifully at Serenity, eyes lingering on her face for a moment. 

Seeing the look of faint recognition slowly make its way onto Endymion’s face, Venus quickly opened her mouth once more, “A thousand thanks, Your Highness! Come, let’s go!” And she tugged Serenity away before the Princess could do something utterly foolish (like throw her arms around Endymion like she so desperately wanted to) and give away their identities once again. 

It was a few hours later and between clapping while watching all sorts of performers in the streets and trying out numerous sweets and treats, Serenity managed to lose Venus in the crowd. 

And that in itself was not that much of cause for alarm; both Venus and Serenity knew where to meet up, at what time. 

However, Venus just so happened to be carrying all the money. And those steamed dumplings looked  _ really _ good. 

Serenity’s mouth watered at the sight of them, the scent of the meat and spices drifting her way. She was nearly dying for a taste of the tender meat, the spicy sauce, and the chewy bun. 

“Hey, if you're not buying, what are you looking here for?” The stall owner hollered at Serenity, shocking her out of the dumpling-filled daydreams. It was not everyday someone raised their voice at Serenity (Mars and Luna excluded). 

“Sorry, sorry!” Serenity apologized, sparing the fresh dumplings one last glance before turning to retreat. But, as she spun around on her heels, she tripped over the hem of her skirt and tumbled forwards right into…

“Your Highness!” 

Serenity shakily tilted her head upwards and was met with the charming face of Prince Endymion. She immediately tore herself away from him, bowing at the waist as she repeatedly apologized. Whoever invented bowing was onto something because Serenity surely would not be able to look at Endymion’s face and continue to keep up this facade. 

“It’s alright, really,” He reassured her and Serenity tentatively peaked up to see Endymion’s amused smile, along with the curious whispering of the lingering bystanders. 

“Oh, it’s you,” He blinked at her, head tilting to the side. 

“It’s me?” Serenity squeaked in panic. Oh, the Senshis were going to have her head. 

“From earlier, in the alleyway. Where’s your sister?” Endymion asked, oblivious to the relief flooding Serenity.

“Right! My sister...I lost her?” Serenity laughed, sheepishly. “Your Highness, where are your knights?” She asked, peeking around a little. Running into Jadeite again would be no good. 

“I...lost them,” Endymion settled on, also sporting a sheepish smile. Serenity knew Endymion well enough that ‘lost them’ really meant that he successfully managed to escape their watchful eyes. 

“Oh, how misfortunate,” Serenity giggled. 

“Truly,” Endymion agreed, their eyes locking onto each other’s, the outside world suddenly falling away. It wasn’t until Serenity jumped at the sound of a firecracker going off that the two of them seemingly realized that they were standing in front of a dumpling stall, gazing into each other’s eyes amidst the handful of random citizens whispering about whether that was really the Crown Prince or not. 

“Excuse me,” Endymion cleared his throat, turning to the stall owner, “Could I have two of these?” 

“Yes, of course, Your Highness! Right away!” And there was truly never better service than when in the presence of a man with gold. 

After receiving the steaming hot buns, Endymion turned and handed one to Serenity.

“Oh, no I couldn’t!” Serenity waved her hands out. 

“I insist,” Endymion pushed the dumpling into her hands. 

“...Thank you, Your Highness,” Serenity said in a small voice, a smile creeping onto her voice. 

“I wish you luck in finding your sister,” He nodded a farewell at her, that winsome smile still on his face. 

Serenity watched him walk away, heading further down the street, before she sank against a stone wall, clutching her precious steamed bun with a dreamy smile on her face.

“There you are!” Venus popped up next to her after some time, “I thought you got trampled over or something! Hey, what’s that you got?”

“Huh?” Serenity looked down to the steamed bun in hands that had gone slightly cold by now, “Oh, Venus!” She cried out in joy, taking a massive bite of the bun and moaning in delight at the wonderful taste, “The Lunar Festival is the absolute best!” 

“Well I’m glad you enjoyed yourself, Princess,” Venus helped her stand upright and the two headed away from the streets as it was time to go back home. 

“I’m serious, Venus! In my next life all I need is delicious meat buns,” Serenity said around a mouthful of half-chewed dumpling. 

“Oh, you don’t need your precious Prince Endymion?” Venus teased.

“Meat buns and Endymion and my lovely Senshis,” Serenity nodded solemnly, “That’s all I really need!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was my first time writing SilMil and it was a lot of fun speaking all formally lol. I have no clue if the Disguise Pen or Minako's compact would have existed back then but we're saying they did. 
> 
> Also, the Earth people we saw during the SilMil were obviously not dressed in what Japanese people would have worn 1000+ years ago nor was it really medieval Europe clothing... so I left the clothing itself fairly ambiguous. I personally ended up imagining some weird European/Asian fusion clothing lol like Fire Nation meets Marie Antoinette's closet
> 
> I edited this chapter really quickly so if you spot any mistakes please let me know! 
> 
> Leave a comment and let me know what you thought and if you have any other Disguise Pen shenanigans ideas you'd like to see!


	4. lying is the most fun a girl can have...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright, chapter 4! hope everyone's been doing well! stay strong! 
> 
> please enjoy this chapter of complete nonsense.

Usagi was having a great day. She had slept wonderfully and woke up (before noon too!) refreshed and content. Mother Nature was welcoming spring with open arms; the birds chirping merrily beneath a sky full of puff white clouds and the gentle warmth of the sun. Her hair was looking as silky and smooth as ever, skin showing glowing warmly with no sign of puffiness (despite her secretly shovelling two cups of spicy ramen into herself in the dead of the night, in her unilluminated kitchen, with only the moonlight to see her truth). 

Today was going marvellously! And Usagi decided it would be one of the happiest, more wonderfullest days of her life. 

She hummed along, only slightly off tune, to the peppy girl group song on the radio, as she dabbed on a light layer of peach-flavoured lip gloss on top of the light coral lipstick she had previously applied. After applying one last coat of mascara, Usagi took a step back to admire her full ensemble in the mirror. 

Light and bright makeup, perfect for the spring weather, with her hair up in their regular buns and the  _ most adorable _ mini dress, a creamy off-white decorated with tiny brick-coloured roses: it was the perfect date outfit! 

Usagi grabbed a small handbag, even remembering to pack it with all the necessities (phone, ID cards, lip gloss, mascara, mints, Sailor Moon brooch in case unholy evil is released upon the Earth, oh and some gummy bears in case she gets hungry on the way!)

Admiring her cute reflection one last time, Usagi skipped out the door, heading to the park for her date with Mamo-chan. 

* * *

It was  _ supposed  _ to be the perfect day, the most perfect date. And it had started out that way! Everything was going so well! 

Until Usagi’s heel got stuck in the crack on the pavement and she tumbled down a grassy hill as she attempted to pull it out. 

So, here she was, lying on some damp grass and moss, hair crooked and coming loose and with only one show on. 

“... _ Ouch _ …” Usagi groaned softly, standing up with only a bit of difficulty. She looked down, flexing her bare toes in the soft, spongy grass. “My shoe…” 

Assessing her current state a bit further, Usagi’s eyes grew wide with horror, “My dress!” And along the side of her dress was a mighty long tear, running up where the seam would be. Moreover, the sleeve on her left arm was also torn, hanging on only from a few threads.

Usagi dug out her phone, using the camera to assess herself more. Her hair was all askew and lopsided, makeup only slightly smudged, and there were grass stains on the back of her dress as well. 

She couldn’t go on her date like this, let alone anywhere else seeing as she was barely decent now. 

“Ah, what am I supposed to do now?” Usagi panicked, tugging the skirt of her dress downwards, attempting to keep everything clamped together. Thank goodness no one was on the grass clearing for her to accidentally flash her polka dot underwear at. Usagi fumbled with her phone, checking the time on her phone. She would have been on time too! If she went back home and changed and then came back, she’d undoubtedly have to keep Mamoru waiting. 

“I promised I’d be on time too,” Usagi blew her bangs away from her face, biting her lip with worry over what to do. 

As Usagi’s hand put her phone back into her handbag, her fingers brushed over something. Usagi paused and looked down into her bag, gasping in joy. It turned out that instead of her lip gloss Usagi had accidentally grabbed something else in her hurry to get out the door. Her Disguise Pen! 

“Oh, you wonderful thing!” Usagi cried out in joy, pulling the pen from her handbag and pressing a kiss to the top of it. Luna would probably be mad if she knew Usagi was using it for something as ‘frivolous’ as a date...but Luna wasn’t here. Usgai quickly scanned the shaded grassy area she was in, making sure no one was in sight. 

“Disguise Pen! Turn me into a pretty girl going on a romantic date!” And with some sparkles and lights, Usagi’s transformation was complete. She hastily dug out her phone again, thumb swiping to open the camera app, and quickly took in her new appearance.

It was near identical to what she looked like ten minutes ago, with a few minor Disguise Pen extras. She now had a proper pair of shoes; no heels this time though, a pair of flat sandals instead. Her make-up had been fixed, her hair now up properly in her dual buns but with some soft pink ribbons that matched the roses on her dress. And her dress...it was the same pattern as her original one, he creamy white that complimented her skin tone wonderfully, the tiny roses and the off-shoulder neckline that showed off her collarbone. But it seemed to be just a  _ little _ tighter, as if one size smaller. The hem just slightly higher up her thigh than before, fabric wrapping around her chest and waist, contouring to the curves of her body perfectly, like the dress was tailor-made for her. Which she supposes it was.

“Well, this is more  _ hoe-ish _ than I intended,” Usagi spoke aloud to no one in particular, “But who am I to judge the artistic work of the Disguise Pen?” Usagi shrugged, and continued to her destination, skipping along happily. 

* * *

“Usako, what are you doing?” Mamoru asked her with a hint of laughter. Usagi paused her movements, sparring her boyfriend but a glance, her attention returning to far more important things. She readjusted her legs from where she sat on the soft picnic blanket, the thin grass tickling her heels from where they hung over the edge of the blanket. She drew her legs inwards, squirming a bit so the fabric of her dress resting on her thighs right. 

“This,” Usagi announced, getting into position, “is the  _ best _ way to eat a cupcake,” And tilted her head upwards taking a large bite out of the bottom of the chocolate cupcake, the soft and moist cake crumbling in her mouth with the chocolatey taste spreading across her taste buds. It probably wasn’t the most flattering sight, but Mamoru watched her with amused attention anyway. 

“And now,” Usagi continued after swallowing, “for the best part: the top,” Usagi presented Mamoru with the remaining top part of her cupcake, the buttercream frosting swirled perfectly over the few centimetres of cake left, before taking a bite out of that as well. She made a sound of delight as the sugary softness of the frosting hit her tongue, popping the rest into her mouth shortly. 

“But the perfect cupcake isn’t complete without some milk!” Usagi grabbed her milky boba, slurping the caramel macchiato flavoured drink through the wide straw, eliciting more pleased hums from her. 

“Is it that good?”

Usagi nodded her head up and down, hair bobbing along, as she swallowed the cool liquid,” So good! Ah, the subtle taste of the coffee and cream with the sweet chocolate after the creamy smoothness of the frosting and cocoa-y richness of the cupcake. It’s the best!” Usagi sighed dreamily, taking another sip of her drink. 

“You’re so weird,” Mamoru said, looking at Usagi fondly as she chewed on some tapioca pearls.

Usagi spent the rest of the afternoon, basking in the warm sunlight, Mamoru’s head in her lap, as he listened to her talk about everything and nothing while she fed him perfectly ripened strawberries. By the time their rations of cupcakes and strawberries and other assorted sweets dwindled down to one last chocolate chip cookies, the sky was already beginning to darken, the bright blue sky having developed into a canopy of purples and pinks and orangey-reds. 

Packing their belongings up, the couple left their grassy oasis and walked down the cement pavement, walking among the light evening crowd. Usagi continued to talk Mamoru’s ear off, swinging her handbag back and forth in her hand.

“Hey,” Mamoru paused as they walked down a familiar area, “Is that your shoe?” Usagi followed his line of sight and lo and behold, her nude stiletto pump jammed into a cement crack at an awkward angle, just like she left it a few hours ago. 

Ah, right. She had been so distracted by Mamo-chan had his wind-swept hair, deep blue eyes, those damn skinny jeans that made his legs look so long, and of course the plate of cupcakes sitting in front of him. So, when she arrived, she totally forgot to mention her wardrobe malfunction from earlier. Not her fault, Mamoru + desserts was a deadly combo, after all. 

And while Mamoru was more than used to her spontaneous klutz attacks, it’d just be too embarrassing to bring it up now. 

“No!” Usagi said and  _ god that was too loud, pull yourself together Tsukino! _

“I could have sworn you have the exact same—”

“Don’t touch it!” Usagi yelped, tugging Mamoru back as he bent down to pick it up. If he touched it then there’d be no doubt that he’d know it’s hers. “You don’t know where that shoe has been. What kind of crazy person just leaves one shoe lying around, Mamo-chan? Probably some sad lady getting drunk in the middle of the day.” 

“But—”

Usagi continued to tug Mamoru away from the crime scene, “Gosh, Mamoru. You can’t just go around touching things! What would you do without me?” 

* * *

After expertly avoiding  _ that _ crisis, Usagi was riding the elevator up to Mamoru’s apartment, high on both excess sugar and the thrill of a lovely day out. 

But of course, it’s her, in an elevator,  _ alone  _ with Mamoru. 

The two stumbled towards Mamoru’s door, arms wrapped around each other, mouths refusing to part even as Mamoru punched in the code to open his door. 

Eventually, Usagi finds herself pressed against the entryway wall, Mamoru’s hands hiking her short dress up higher as Usagi wraps her legs around Mamoru. Their kissing slows down a little, the need for air causing them to part for a moment. Usagi pushes Mamoru’s button-up off his shoulders, leaving him in a plain white t-shirt. Mamoru’s own hands snake their way up Usagi’s back, fingers finding the zip of her dress and pulling downwards…

And pulling downwards again, with a harder jerk this time. Usagi’s legs drop to the ground as Mamoru pulls again. He frowns, pulling her close against his chest, brushing aside her hair, to look over her shoulder this time. 

He tries again, “...It’s stuck.”

“Huh? No, you’re just not…” Usagi retracted her arms from around Mamoru’s neck, reaching behind to try and unzip it herself, “...it’s stuck,” Usagi blinked in disbelief. “Oh god, it’s  _ stuck _ !” And Usagi briefly panicked, her mind full of mortifying visions of having to be cut out of the dress, her body laying across Mamoru’s countertop like a corpse, when she remembered  _ why _ it was stuck. 

“ _ Oh _ …” Usagi awkwardly laughed to herself. Disguise Pen magic was no joke, huh? 

“Oh?” Mamoru echoed, raising an eyebrow at her. 

Well, Usagi had two options right now: 1) she could come clean about the whole disguise debacle to Mamoru, embarrassing herself to god-knows-what-degree since she had been sitting on that info for  _ way _ too long by now and 2) keep lying, to her very suspicious, psychometric boyfriend…

“It happens you know?” Usagi waved it off, “It’s a cheap quality zipper. You know how it is in the fast fashion industry. Low-quality material, rapid production, underpaid workers with no benefits, and not to mention to strain it puts on the environment.”

“Uh-huh,” Mamoru crossed his arms, narrowing his eyes at her slightly. 

“I will consider this a learning experience,” Usagi continued, pushing her way past Mamoru to enter the living room so that she could control herself better, “I will be more conscientious about my shopping from now on. Besides, vintage clothes and thrift shopping is all the rage these days,” Usagi sat herself down on one of Mamoru’s sofas, hands twirling around the ends of her hair. 

“You’re a bad liar,” Mamoru whispered, flicking the center of her forehead gently, “What are you hiding, Usako?” He asked, sitting down next to her. 

Usagi squirms under his gaze for a moment before deciding she looks way too hot in this dress to lose the upper hand this time. 

“Mamo-chan,” She turns to face him properly, taking a moment to admire how the golden rays of the sunset cast warm beams of light onto his skin, “I wouldn’t worry about my dress zipper too much.” 

Mamoru hums a confused note, eyes dropping from face to her cleavage for a second as she crawls closer towards him. 

“I don’t  _ need _ ,” Usagi pushed against his chest, fingers pressing against the divet where his collarbone meets his shoulders, getting Mamoru back to lean against the sofa’s armrest before swinging a leg over his, thighs straddling his narrow waist, “to take it off.” 

“Wha—” Mamoru began but Usagi effectively cut him off, covering his mouth with her hand. Blush spread across Mamoru’s face as Usagi leaned down further, her chest pressed against his, tinging his pale skin with a pinkish glow, across his cheeks and even on the outer shell of his ears that peaked out beneath dark, wavy hair. 

Mamoru’s flushed face is the same colour as the tiny roses adorning her dress, Usagi noted as she presses soft kisses along Mamoru’s jaw, dipping her head lower to continue along his neck, smirking when she can feel his increasing and thunderous heartbeat beneath his Adam’s apple. 

“Don’t worry,” Usagi cupped Mamoru’s face gently, fingers brushing his bangs out of his deep blue eyes, that darkened with desire, “we can still have lots of fun without taking my clothes off,” She sealed the promise with a passionate kiss on the lips, before trailing some more kisses down Mamoru’s neck, making her way lower and lower...

* * *

A few days, Usagi stood in Makoto’s apartment, watching with awe as Makoto sewed up the tears on her original dress.

“Wow! Mako-chan, you’re the best!” Usagi gushed. 

“It’s nothing,” Makoto laughed, “You really need to be more careful though, Usagi.”

“I know,” Usagi agreed, grinning sheepishly, “But hey, could you take the seam in just a little more? The dress is a little loose on me.” More like it could be  _ tighter _ on her, but same difference.

“No problem,” Makoto smiled, humming as she continued to sew up the dress. 

“You must really like this dress, Usagi-chan,” she commented after a few minutes. 

“Oh? Yeah, haha,” Usagi laughed, face flushing slightly at the memory of said dress as she looked down at the pinkish-red rose designs on the fabric, images of Mamoru’s bare chest and thighs covered in reddish-pink love bites, the rosy blush that extended across his cheeks bones, the tip of his nose, almost matching the redness of lips from the heated kisses and her fruity lip tint. “It’s a good colour on him,” Usagi giggled to herself.

“Hmm?” Makoto asked, looking up at Usagi confused.

“Haha, nothing!” Usagi pushed herself off the desk she was leaning against, “I also need to go shoe shopping later, you free?” 

“New shoes? Didn’t you just get those nude pumps a few weeks ago?”

“Ah, stilettos aren’t for me. You know how much of a klutz I am!” 

“That’s true, Usa,” Makoto giggled, “I think we can all sleep more soundly at night knowing you’re walking steadily in the streets!” 

Later, when they walked along the streets, arm-in-arm, Usagi sent a withering glare to a single shoe, still stuck in the pavement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking off her clothes (but it's better if you do)" And no I have not seen that movie before but the quote fits this chapter pretty well.
> 
> also halfway through writing this i realized that if Usagi's dress can't come off, logically her shoes would have to stay on too...but i refuse to even think about them still wearing their shoes in the house so i just skipped over that scene. please ignore that plothole, let's just chalk it up to disguise pen magic. 
> 
> mamoru getting closer and closer to figuring out wtf is going on only for usagi to distract him once again! 
> 
> this was mostly written out of my desire to go outside lol. although I do have a front and backyard lawn, so maybe I will go outside and sit in the grass when the weather gets warmer.
> 
> and yes, trust me, that IS the best way to eat a cupcake i swear. 
> 
> please comment and let me know your thoughts! (and also more disguise pen shenanigans you want to see!)
> 
> follow me @spider-momo on tumblr for more random sailor moon nonsense!


	5. case closed!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 5! moonlightusa told me she likes elevator scenes so this was one of the first elevator scenarios i thought of? maybe i've just seen one too many superhero/action tv shows. 
> 
> hope you enjoy! 

Okay, this time there really was a legitimate reason to transform, Usagi _swore_!

Really she was doing her _job_ as the Pretty Guardian of Love and Justice: Sailor Moon. But of course, since when have the bad guys ever made her job easy?

Usagi didn’t _mean_ to end up in this situation. But here she was…

“Is something the matter... Ma’am?” Usagi stood frozen in place, staring out at the group of university students who sat in one of the private study rooms in the library, one leg still up in the air from where she kicked open the doors. 

_Whoops..._

Let’s rewind a bit, first. You see, Usagi was chasing down some random evil energy, as one does when you’re _Sailor Moon,_ but it got away after mingling into a large crowd of people getting off a bus stop right in front of a university. _Mamoru’s_ university. 

And contradictory to what _some_ people may believe, Usagi’s first thought was in fact a very logical one: Call Mamoru for help, since he was y’know _there_. 

But then Usagi remembered that Mamoru said he had a super important lab thing for a midterm on biomolecular something-or-other. And, Usagi didn’t want to _disturb_ him. Usagi knew that she tended to whine and plead and distract Mamoru enough already. So, she would make sure that dark energy didn’t disrupt Mamoru no matter what! 

But...Sailor Moon suddenly busting down the doors in search of some evil monster was _definitely_ going to be disruptive. 

Okay, no problem. That just means Usagi would do this _lowkey_ , no Tuxedo Mask or Sailor Senshi for back up. 

She’d need a disguise, of course. And Usagi paused, leaning against the brick wall she was hiding behind, twirling the Disguise Pen in her hand as she pondered over exactly what kind of disguise would let her enter the building without drawing too much attention to herself but also make sure no one would question or stop her if things went south. 

“I got it!” Usagi cheered, eyes lighting up as she called out the words to transform. 

And after some A+ snooping, chasing down the monster, and overall badassery... Usagi ended up kicking open the doors to a quiet study room, full of about half a dozen startled university students. As Usagi looked over the table full of loose papers, textbooks, and half-finished Americanos, the room was overcome with a thick, awkward silence. 

“Is something the matter... Ma’am?” One of the students asked. 

All eyes were on her and she briefly glanced down at her outfit, swallowing nervously.

She eyed the pair of dark, stylish combat boots, the grey short-shorts that put her slim, pale legs on full display, the white tank top underneath a slightly loose grey coat that matched her bottoms. Usagi brushed back a lock of ash grey, straight hair, her normal buns having been traded for a slick city-girl look. 

It was beginning to dawn on Usagi that maybe this _wasn’t_ the most inconspicuous disguise she could have chosen. Yeah, in retrospect asking the Disguise Pen to turn her into a _mega hot detective lady_ was maybe not the best route to go down, if the desire-filled gazes some of the room occupants were giving her was any indication.

But, there was no way she could back down now. Tsukino Usagi was no quitter, after all. 

“No one move!” Usagi shouted, pushing her coat back to reveal a gun and golden badge. The room of students suddenly looked a lot more awake and moderately less sexually aroused, at least.

“W-what’s going on?” A boy that sat across near the front asked, eyes now on the gun strapped to her waist instead of her bare legs. “Who are you?”

“I’m Detective…” _What’s a good fake detective name??? Quick, think of something cool!_ “Detective Quinn!” Okay, so Harley Quinn wasn’t technically a _good guy_ but she was still cool! And they shared a resemblance, sorta. Blonde, fun, and always getting into giant messes, apparently. 

“Is she a foreigner?” a girl near the front whispered. 

“She sure is dressed like one…” someone else whispered back.

“Anyway!” Usagi cleared her throat, “I’m here from Major Crimes because…” She was _sure_ the dark energy fled into this room... but where? Usagi scanned the room, not finding anything out of the ordinary. “...Because…” _There!_ A blanket of darkness moving to the large window on the other side of the room. 

Usagi wasted no time, jumping up onto the table in the middle of the room, doing her best not to step on anybody’s notes or spill any coffee. However, in the couple seconds it took her to reach the window, the darkness vanished! 

Did it escape out through the window? No way, there was a bright, sunny courtyard out there; it’d have nowhere to hide. Which means, it was still in here. Somewhere. 

Usagi turned around, eyes scanning the corners, ignoring the anxious whispering and stares from the group in front of her. 

“Maybe we should call campus security?” 

“She’s had a gun and badge though. She must be legit, right?”

“You just think she’s pretty…”

Usagi walked around the room again, taking slow and careful steps as she searched for the dark energy. But nothing seemed out of place. Where could it have gone? Did she let it escape again? 

Unless...Usagi slowly turned around to face the nervous-looking group of university students still frozen in their seats. 

Unless...it was hiding in one of the students!

Usagi eyed each of them carefully, not noticing anything telling right away. 

“Fine,” Usagi sighed, “we’ll have to do this the _hard_ way huh?” Usagi reached for her gun, pulling it out of the holster. 

“W-what are you—”

_BANG!_

A series of cries and startled yelps erupted in the room, the students covered their heads and ducking down. All except one of them. 

Usagi smirked, lowering the gun from where it was pointed at the ceiling. It wasn’t _a real_ gun, obviously. 

“Gotcha,” Usagi taunted, aiming the gun at the boy closest to her, the one who hardly flinched at the sound of the blank firing. Usagi noted the slightly vacant look in his eyes, the same as anyone who became a host for dark energy. 

But...she was at a bit of a standstill...She needed to transform back to cleanse the dark energy, but that’d waste a precious few seconds. The darkness could disappear again or even take full control of the body and hurt the other civilians. 

Usagi needed to act quickly!

Her eyes flicked towards the gun in her hand... _well this will do, Silver Crystal I’m counting on you!_

“ _Starlight Honeymoon Therapy BANG!_ ” Usagi cried out with passion, pulling the trigger at her target. With a burst of pink light, a sparkling bullet hit the possessed boy’s chest, right where his heart was, and a fluffy heart-shaped cloud spouted into the air. 

Years of practice at arcade shooting games was bound to pay off eventually!

The boy’s head fell down onto the table gently and more shouts erupted from the room. Usagi calmly and confidently strode up to the boy, lifting up his head to check his eyes.

“Are you alright?” She asked him softly. The boy looked up, a confused and startled expression forming on his face. He gave Usagi a once over, the proud glint in her eyes, the heavy-duty boots, the shorts, the _gun_ …

“Marry me,” He sighed dreamily. 

“Get some rest,” Usagi patted the boy on the shoulder, tucking her gun away. She spun around on her heels, ready to leave.

“What the hell just happened!?” A girl asked, bolting upwards to stand. 

“Uhh…” Usagi racked her brain for a plausible excuse, “That was a...special presentation! The station sent me here to teach you guys to...not do drugs,” Usagi nodded, plastering what she hoped was a convincing and reassuring smile onto her face. “Yep, _drugs..._ are bad for you. And they mess with your mind and make you see all sorts of crazy things. So, don’t do them…” Usagi gave the group two thumbs up and a nervous smile before turning around and dashing out of the room. 

Usagi turned around the corner, her pace slowing down finally as she stopped in front of the silver doors of the elevator. Usagi proudly congratulated herself for a job well done in her mind, grinning happily as the elevator doors slowly opened. The evil was eradicated _and_ she did it all on her own, without disturbing Mamoru. Now she could go home, eat a bunch of food, and catch up on some anime—

_!!!_

Uh-oh. She should have known this day wouldn’t have just ended so smoothly, no way she could just wrap everything up in a pretty bow and call it a day. Usagi suppressed the urge to cry and scream as she awkwardly stepped into the elevator, doing her best to avoid eye contact with the one person she was hoping not to run into today. 

Mamoru, the blessed introvert he was, hardly paid Usagi any attention, too busy staring at the bright blue light of his phone. 

This was fine. She was in disguise and Mamoru had no reason to think Usagi would be here of all places. All she had to do was make it to the ground floor in peace and then hop onto the first bus away from here. 

Easy peasy, lemon squeezy. 

Usagi still couldn’t help but sneak a sly glance at Mamoru from the corner of her eye. His hair was slightly ruffled, probably because he kept running his hand through it like he always did when he was tired. He was dressed simply in jeans and a half-tucked black sweater, perfect for the cool spring weather. He was typing some out on his phone with one hand, the other hand readjusted the strap of his bag. 

Usagi absentmindedly wondered if he was texting someone when a soft _ping!_ Came from her coat pocket. 

Usagi’s eyes widened as she fumbled to grab her phone, turning away so Mamoru wouldn’t see the familiar pink case and bunny charm hanging off. 

Ugh, stupid Disguise Pen, you couldn’t even disguise her phone while you were at it?

It was a text, from Mamoru obviously, asking if she ate dinner already. 

Oops, Usagi hadn’t realized it had gotten so late already. Damn, chasing dark energy really does make time fly! 

Usagi was in the middle of typing out a response when her stomach audibly growled. Usagi closed her eyes, wincing a little, not having the face to glance at Mamoru to see if he noticed.

Betrayed by her own organs, for shame. 

Usagi’s thumbs twitched a little as she finished her response, switching her phone to silent while she was at it. 

_Not yet! I was going to have katsudon!_ And send. Usagi leaned her head against the cool metal on the elevator wall, rubbing her stomach slightly. Katsudon _did_ sound really nice right about now. 

Her pork cutlet daydreams were cut short when the elevator suddenly came to a halt, the doors slowly opening. Usagi’s eyes flicked upwards to the _5th Floor_ flashing above the doors. A group of people shuffled in and Usagi moved over, the small of her back pressed against the metal rod in the elevator. 

_And_ , just her luck (because when had the universe ever given Tsukino Usagi a break??), Mamoru somehow ended up pressed right next to her as the elevator became more and more packed. 

_Can’t you damn people use the stairs!?_

Mamoru mumbled an apology when he accidentally brushed against her arm and Usagi just smiled awkwardly before turning her face downwards, hoping he wouldn’t look at her for any time longer. 

“Hey, did you hear?” One of the new occupants asked in a hushed tone, even though everything could be heard clearly within the compact elevator. “People are saying something crazy went down on the 8th floor.”

“Yeah, some third years were saying some psycho lady with a gun suddenly burst into the study room!” 

“What happened?”

“They said she burst in, ran around while yelling a bunch of nonsense. And then she shot one of them! Except there was no bullet, just some freaky lightshow!” 

“No way! They’re probably just playing a prank.”

“No, for real! Yeah, people saw some chick with silvery hair running down the halls earlier too. Apparently, she was _mega hot_ too.” 

“Really?”

“A guy I have philosophy with said he saw her and she was swearing these sexy boots and shorts and had a freaking gun.” 

Usagi shifted inwards, letting her hair fall into her face, but she could still feel Mamoru eyeing her suspiciously, eyes flitting from her grey-ish hair to the chunky black boots she wore. 

The elevator doors opened again, stopping on Floor 2 and the chatty people streamed out, leaving Usagi alone with Mamoru once again. 

Unfortunately, the second the elevator doors closed Mamoru jabbed the stop button before turning to face Usagi, arms crossed and deep blue eyes watching her like a hawk. 

“Who are you?” He asked, leaning in closer, “There’s something off about you, I can _feel_ it.”

_Stupid psychometric, empathic boyfriend._

Usagi laughed nervously, hands twirling around a strand of ash-grey hair. 

Alright, here are your options Tsukino: A) you come clean and then get lectured by Mamoru about safety and calling for help and maintaining a low-profile _blah blah blah_ , or B) you keep lying and get yourself out of this situation...somehow… 

Yeah, option B didn’t look like it had a very high success rate, especially when Mamoru’s piercing eyes were making it so hard to think. 

_Come clean or lie, come clean or lie?_ Usagi’s mind panicked, trying to come up with the best solution, _There’s no way you can lie your way out of this one but I reaaaallly don’t want to sit there while Mamoru chastises me…_

Finally, she took a deep breath and decided there really was no need to live life in binaries. Not when you could do both! 

In one quick motion, Usagi darted forward and pinned Mamoru up against the elevator wall in a kabedon-esque position, and pressed her lips against his. 

And _wow_ , these boots gave her a _really_ nice height boost.

“Mmhhm!” Mamoru pushed her away after the shock dissipated. 

“What are you—”

“Mamo- _chan_! You can’t even tell when your own girlfriend kisses you?” Usagi pouted teasingly, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Mamoru blinked at her, lashes fluttering softly like butterfly wings, “Usa…?”

“Duh!” Usagi laughed, pressing another kiss against Mamoru’s mouth and this time he reciprocated. 

“What are you doing—”

“Shh…” Usagi hushed him when they broke apart, kissing him softly again, running her fingers through Mamoru’s hair and smirking when she felt him shiver a little.

“...your gun is stabbing my hip bone,” Mamoru said, voice slightly hoarse. 

“Oh,” Usagi finally took a step back, pulling her coat back to examine the gun strapped in snugly in its holster, “Well, I don’t need this silly thing anymore,” Usagi let her disguise melt away and the sexy Detective Quinn disappeared, leaving Sailor Moon in her place. 

Usagi went back to kissing Mamoru only for him to push her away after a few seconds, “You probably shouldn’t be wearing that either,” he looked down at her sailor fuku. 

“Huh? Oh, right,” Usagi clasped her brooch letting _that_ transformation fall away too. And then it was finally just Tsukino Usagi, dressed in a simple pair of light-wash jeans and a white t-shirt, long blonde hair falling over her shoulder, as she made out with her boyfriend in an elevator. 

The lecture came a lot sooner than Usagi expected, especially since she did a pretty damn good job of distracting Mamoru in the elevator. 

She pouted, shovelling for katsudon into her mouth as Mamoru continued to admonish her, the two of them sitting on his balcony under the starry night sky. 

“Okay,” Usagi cut in eventually, waving her chopsticks to emphasize her point, “but the gun attack was so cool! My aim is _really_ good, I was all like ‘Gotcha!’ and then _bam!_ ” Usagi mimed the action, setting her chopsticks down and making a finger gun with both hands and shooting it at Mamoru with a wink, “It was super hot, trust me.” 

“...that’s not relevant,” Mamoru said after a moment.

“You’re imagining it, aren’t you?”

“ _No,_ I’m not,” Mamoru muttered, taking a sip of his water. 

“You should congratulate me, I did a good job! I figured everything out on my own. I was like a sexier version of Batman.”

“Batman doesn’t use a gun.”

“Maybe,” Usagi continued anyway, “I should try a rifle next. Or a sword! What do you think, Mamo-chan?” Usagi leaned on her elbows, smiling mischievously, “What would look hotter with the mini skirt and thigh highs?” 

“Eat your katsudon,” Mamoru shoved a piece of pork into Usagi’s mouth, trying his best to fight off the pink flush spreading across his cheekbones. 

But of course, analyzing a blushing Mamoru was Detective Usagi’s specialty and in her very professional, very official opinion a Mamoru sitting underneath the pale moonlight, with windswept hair and glowing pink blush covering his cheeks and ears, was one of the prettiest sights in the world. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there’s a joke about usagi being harley quinn and thus making mamoru poison ivy somewhere in here but my brain is too tired to piece it together.
> 
> was Usagi's look based on the two-second clip of Suzue Kambe from the Fugou Keiji op? perhaps...
> 
> I am by no means a gun advocate except for the sole purpose of them being used as sexy accessories to achieve peak Hotness.
> 
> Additionally, i’m pretty sure there is nothing to suggest that the Silver Crystal can repurpose elements of the Disguise Pen to be attack weapons or that Usagi is even able to choose the form of her weapons but it happens here because I Said So
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this ridiculousness! Let me know what kind of shenanigans you want to read about next, because for now i have nothing new planned for this series! 
> 
> Leave a comment and let me know your thoughts!

**Author's Note:**

> This is, of course, is set in early season 1/ first arc. I really wish that Mamoru's high school life was explored a bit more lol.
> 
> (i usually have more to say in these endnotes but my brain is empty right now oops)
> 
> Please leave a comment! They warm my soul!


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